Robert Scoble & The Zombie Apocalypse

by Todd Mintz

“Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you…Double up or quit, double stake or split… The Ace Of Spades…The Ace Of Spades.”…Motorhead









“Publish Post”

todd mintz

As I clicked that button, I knew my work was done for the evening. My feedreader was empty as was my inbox. My eyes were bloodshot; my back was sore; and my energy level had crashed harder that some of the tech stocks that I used to own. I badly needed a full night of sleep. I pushed myself away from my desk, walked over to my bed and got under the covers.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to dream…

Stage Lights...Camera 1…Cue Announcer…Roll Credits on 3, 2, 1…

Tonight…Live from Mountain View Studios, it´s Todd´s Talking TTTEEECCCHHH-Nology! (cue audience applause). Tonight´s special guest is the legendary Blogger, Videographer, Technology Evangelist, Social Media Animal, and the most friended person online…RRROOOBBBEEERRRTTT Scoble!

scoble

In our tiny television studio, the applause was deafening. Of course, we expected this. In order to get Scoble to do our show, we agreed to give all the tickets to “Scoble´s Soldiers”, his maniacal fan club. So, in our studio were 200 mostly middle-aged geeky guys in button-down shirts and khakis carrying with them a plethora of mobile devices including more than a few digital camera tripods in homage to their hero.

Robert walked onto the set and we shook hands. He then graciously bowed towards the audience who were reluctant to stop cheering for him. Through a series of hand-gestures, he eventually was able to coax his fans to sit down and be quiet for the interview. In addition to videoing the show, we agreed to Tweet the questions and answers to the best of our ability…so we both activated Jott for our Blackberries and commenced our talk.

toddmintz toddmintz Robert, as Microsoft’s former Tech Evangelist, what’s your view on a potential Yahoo purchase?
scobleizer scobleizer Microsoft and Yahoo are gonna be stuck in mud compared to Google. from im
toddmintz toddmintz Agreed but doesn’t a Microsoft / Yahoo Partnership still present a formidable competitor in many areas?
scobleizer scobleizer I think Microsoft really needs a good brand and a friendly image. That´s what Yahoo would provide. from im
toddmintz toddmintz True, but if you headed Microsoft, would you aggressively pursue Yahoo and on what terms?
scobleizer scobleizer I am watching a bowl of cherries disappear one at a time and am seeing a ton of Seth Godin marketing lessons there. from twitterific
toddmintz toddmintz Excuse me?
scobleizer scobleizer Maryam and Patrick are trying to sell us on a Pinkberry stop. "Heaven in a cup," she says. "Jesus in a cup," he says. Religious metaphors.from twitterific

I didn´t think they were supposed to open the bar until after the show. Sure, I was grateful to have Scoble as a guest but I didn´t have any idea what he was babbling about and I felt I was in danger of losing control of the interview. As I looked up at the big projection screen showing the Tweets to the audience, I realized how bizarre they sounded and wondered if anybody following our conversation was as uncomfortable with Scoble´s last two answers as I was. So, I attempted to gently guide Robert back to on track…

toddmintz toddmintz Robert, are you able to give us your insight on Microsoft / Yahoo? That´s why we brought you on the show.
scobleizer scobleizer You make a great point. Our energy leadership is a huge fail. I advocated for gas tax in college which got huge amount of hate mail. from twitterific

Inwardly, I screamed. Outwardly, I heard a bit of a conversation buzz in the audience…perhaps they were getting as uncomfortable with the situation as I was getting. Knowing that the interview was going to hell really quickly, I started to ad-lib…

toddmintz toddmintz OK…anybody in the Twittersphere have anything to say about our conversation here?

I waited a few seconds and the responses started to flood in…

Furrier Furrier I´ll be writing a blog post on podtech .. meanwhile scoble misses the story on what happened..there is a bigger picture he isn´t aware of from web
evergreenceo evergreenceo I gotta say I am not enamored with Scoble´s show. from web
petkanics petkanics "Scoble is like chickenpox. He infects everyone at least once." from twitterific
chrislehmann chrislehmann just stopped following Scoble. Realized that I really didn´t care. from mobile web

The murmur in the crowd was getting much louder as the tweets rolled across the screen. So, I confronted Robert…

toddmintz toddmintz Robert, the folks on Twitter aren´t happy with your interview performance so far…what of that?
scobleizer scobleizer I´m going to talk about you tonight in the bar. Can we move THOSE conversations about you over to your blog? from im

I looked at my producer off-stage and shrugged my shoulders. I was in process of standing up when I felt a sharp pain on my upper arm, and then I heard something clunk on the floor. I looked down and realized that somebody from the audience had nailed me with an iPhone. I reached down to pick it up. Then, I took off my microphone and started walking towards the audience. I wanted a piece of whomever threw something at me.

As I got towards the crowd, I was able who tell who threw the device. A member of the audience who looked like a teenaged Scoble with bad skin started walking towards me. It looked like he was yelling…however, the sounds out of his mouth were unlike anything I had ever heard…like deep, guttural notices from a dying animal. His face was contorted with horrific rage and as he came closer to me, I knew our encounter was going to get physical. I surmised that he might expect me to swing at him, so I decided to cross him up with a well-timed kick to the knee-cap which would hopefully disable him and allow order to be restored. So, I faked with my right hand, and aimed my foot at his knee.

I disabled him alright. My foot went through his kneecap, severing his leg at that point. As he toppled over, a torrent of blood spurted everywhere and he howled like a wolf that just got caught in a steel trap.

zombies

I stood rooted to the spot, stunned, unable to move. What got me out of my reverie was getting hit about the face and neck by various electronic devices thrown by audience members. Many in the audience were arising from their seats and moving towards me. These folks had lost any pretense of their geeky humanity and had been transformed into something thoroughly vile and evil. I retreated back towards the stage.

I looked down at the Twitter feed on my Blackberry:

toddmintz toddmintz I´m in Hell http://www.bkite.com

I glanced over at Scoble. His face was ashen…he clearly was shaken by seeing his audience devolve into monsters. Robert´s belief in the unifying power of technology to create global communities based upon shared interests was crumbling in front of him. Clearly scared, he detached his microphone and ran off the stage, leaving me to deal with his fanatics.

I picked up my interview chair and swung it at the hordes coming at me. On my first swing, I hit one zombie flush just above the ear. His head detached from his neck and bounced hard off the forehead of a nearby monster, knocking him cold. I swung again and again, hitting many of them, causing the studio floor to be filled with a mix of blood, puss, and bodies / body parts.

However, I couldn´t keep them all away. Surrounding me, they knocked me to the ground, beating and kicking me all the while. Just when I felt like it was all going to be over, I blacked out…

…and then I woke up. My head pounded. The dream seemed so real…but fortunately, it was only a dream.

I got out of bed…I knew I wasn´t getting back to sleep tonight. I put on some clothes and headed towards the kitchen.

Just then, I felt this incredible hunger like I´d never experienced before. I needed to eat meat…fresh meat. I opened the front door of my house and walked out onto my street. I heard my neighbor´s dog bark. I walked towards the noise.

walking

Robert Scoble photo by Thomas Hawk
Zombies photo by James Calder

Todd Mintz is the Director of Internet Marketing / Search Engine Optimization for S.R. Clarke and is on the Board of Directors at SEMpdx. Email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn

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